The only thing ever holding
you back is between your ears.
Jaime Dispenza
(said to me too many times to count)
As a person we deal with the
mental roadblocks we throw in front of ourselves every day. I see it with the children I teach when they
begin to compare themselves academically.
I see it in my daughter as she battles her perception of herself as a
mathematician. I see it in myself as I
strive to overcome past perceptions of myself as an athlete.
Earlier in the year Jaime
and I talked about how I needed to stop seeing myself as the person I once was
and that I needed to start seeing myself as the person I had become. It has been a long process and has covered
several areas but in each I have had to break down a barrier in order to
proceed forward and keep going in my new lifestyle as a triathlete. In many cases these barriers were due to the
demons inside my head. Interestingly
enough each of the barriers referenced a part of the triathlon and myself as an
athlete.
One of the first walls that
went down had to do with my physical appearance. Surprisingly it wasn’t the mirror that
convinced me of the changes. For months
when I would look in the mirror I would see the overweight and out of shape
person I had been. It wasn’t until my
wife made the comment about the fact that I couldn’t cinch my belt any tighter
in order to keep my now baggy jeans from falling to my ankles that I realized
there had been a physical transformation.
It was cemented in my mind when I slipped on some 501’s with a 30-inch
waist without needing a shoehorn, a girdle, or being greased up. Shirts went from XL to Medium, Goodwill got
sizeable donations, and I spent a lot of money on a new wardrobe. Still, it took a long time to come to that realization
and see my new self in the mirror.
In running my breakthrough
came gradually. When I started training
for my first triathlon I was struggling to keep my pace at 10:00 minutes per
mile. When I completed the Leadman 125
my run pace was at a dismal 10:23 minute pace (ok, granted this was my first
long distance event, and I was holding true to my coach’s race plan –
still). Jaime and I agreed that I would
run a half-marathon race sometime during the winter. The goal was to increase my base level
running fitness. As I approached this
race I originally set a goal of running the half marathon in under two hours,
which would mean running at a 9:09. As
October bled into November I realized that this could be accomplished so I then
started pushing myself to lower it further, first to sub 9, sub 8:45, and sub
8:30. While this was happening my
mileage was building to the point where I was running a lot of 10 plus mile
training runs. When race day came I felt
comfortable in setting a goal of a sub 8:15.
As I look at it now, this race was a perfect set up for running a good
race. The course was extremely
flat. Very different from the hilly
areas I had been training on during my runs in Bend. The altitude was low (more than 3000 feet
below Bend) and the temperature was cool.
As the race Ibegan to get into a rhythm and then with each mile I began to
progressively speed up my pace. By the
end of the race I was running a sub 7:30.
It ended up that I would finish the race running at a 7:50 pace. I was ecstatic beyond all measures. It was truly a wonderful feeling and it
showed me that with hard training I could bring my running time down. It also gave me the confidence to look at
challenging myself when my triathlon race season began. I’ll work closely with my coach but I feel that
there is no reason that I can’t strive to push myself towards a time somewhere
between 8 and 8 and a half minutes. As
Jaime likes to say, it’s a moving target and a lot will come down to my fitness
level. Still, the barrier of running
slow was dealt a severe blow that January morning in Salem.
In biking my breakthrough
was more of a surprise. Perhaps it was
because of my riding partners. Early on I
was the proverbial caboose or any riding pack.
Because the focus of my training after my long course had been on
running my time on the bike had been limited to mostly long weekend rides. Prior to Christmas I went out with Jaime and
a couple of other guys. I was surprised
to find that I was keeping up with the group and when we hit the hills I was
able to hold my own. On our last hill
climb Jaime punched me in the arm and said, “you’re fit man.” Though it felt good I still questioned
whether I was fit or if it was simply an anomaly. When I went to Jaime’s triathlon camp in
February I thought that would tell me a lot about how I was doing. Our big group ride started at the outskirts
of Tucson and would wind up the road to Mount Lemmon. Overall, this would be a distance of 27 miles
and rise over 6000 feet in elevation. The
plan was to ride until a certain time and then head back down to town. I decided to head out with the first pack
because my thought was that the rest of the group would eventually overtake
me. I initially rode out with about
eight individuals. With the draft that
occurred from the other riders the early part of the ride was easy. After a certain amount of time I signaled
that I would head to the front so others could draft behind me. I rode up next to Lawrence, one of coaches
who provided running and weight training instruction. We started talking and fell into an easy
cadence together. After about 15 minutes
we realized that we had left the rest of our group behind. As we began the climb up the mountain we
talked and conversed with ease. After
about three miles Lawrence told me that he wanted to work on some intervals and
I encouraged him to go on ahead. I
figured that I’d soon be joined by some of the quicker riders. Miles passed and the climb grew steeper. I kept Lawrence in my sights and we played
our own version of cat and mouse as we climbed ever higher. About 12 miles into the ride I finally heard
someone come up behind me. It was Irena,
one of the elite athletes Jaime had coached, who was doing her winter training
in Tucson. She and I talked for a bit
and enjoyed one another’s company. I
asked her where the rest of the group was and she noted that they were quite a
bit further back. I told her that I was
surprised that no one had caught up to me.
She made the comment that I was in good shape and that my riding was
looking good. She then said she was
going to head back down and see how the rest of the group was doing. I pressed further still, stopping briefly at
Windy Point. Jaime came up with another
rider and we briefly chatted before I continued up the mountain. A mile further I came upon Lawrence who had
stopped at another overlook. He told me
he was going to head down. Jaime and his
rider came up and I rode with them for a while.
I told Jaime I thought the rest of the group would have caught up to us
and he replied, “no one’s going to catch you man”. We rode together a bit before I decided to
push a bit further ahead and left Jaime with his rider. At the appointed time I turned around. I’d made it 18 miles, further than any of the
other riders. That evening when I talked
to Jaime I noted that I had come to a realization that I was no longer the
proverbial caboose and that another barrier had come down. I was not the same bicycle rider I once had
been.
Swimming proved to be the
most challenging aspect of triathlon training, as I did not start out as a good
swimmer. Predictably it provided
probably the most barriers. At first it
was simply a matter of endurance, and then it became a matter of the surviving
the melee of the open water swim. I
remember prior to the Leadman I told Justin, my friend and fellow athlete, that
I simply wanted to survive the swim. He
replied back that I needed to look at it in a more positive manner. He told me rather than thinking that I needed
to survive the swim that I needed to convince myself that I could thrive in the
swim. As my swimming progressed I slowly
gained confidence in my abilities. I
arranged for Jaime to meet me at the pool so we could review things. I got there and settled into my training
routine in the slow lane. When Jaime got
to the pool the first thing out of his mouth was, “Why are you in this
lane? Move down to the fast lane.” I moved down to the fast lane and began
swimming with Jaime. Soon after we started
our workout routine we were joined by Bill.
In his collegiate days Bill was a former competitive water polo
player. We cranked out the routine and I
worked hard to keep up with Jaime and Bill.
At the conclusion of the workout Jaime told me that I needed to meet
them at the pool as often as possible.
He noted that it was time for me to start swimming with faster
swimmers. As time progressed I noticed
that my distances began to increase. One
trick I started doing was to simply not count the mileage I was doing in the
pool until after I completed my workout.
This led to some pleasant surprises, particularly when I started
completing workouts beyond 3000 meters.
The final barrier came down when I was finally able to integrate a flip
turn into my swim workout. I know it
sounds a bit silly, but once I was able to finally do a flip turn without my
sinuses filling with water or becoming disoriented I knew I had finally broken
through my last barrier and I was thriving in the pool.
As with anything, new
barriers will crop up on my triathlon journey – be they due to injury,
increased volume, lack of noticeable progress, weather, you name it. The trick with each will be to approach each
in a positive manner and with a positive attitude. If I can do that and not let the space
between my ears convince me otherwise I think the sky is the limit as to what I
can accomplish as a triathlete. I have a
new lease on life and I’m a new person.
Now that I’ve shattered that old image of myself it’s time to build upon
the new image that has come into focus.
